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Multipurpose secretary
Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techno-geek.
"Hey, bud, how are ya?"
"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"
"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!"
"No way, how could that be?"
"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"
"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"
"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her."
So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! eeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"
The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!"
Jokes for the day
Intelligent Boy
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students
The teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"
Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is inthe third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office.
While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students
The teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"
Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is inthe third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office.
While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Nik Aziz: A God-fearing Chinese is more noble than a corrupt Malay
via Malaysia Chronicle by admin@ malaysiachronicle on 12/2/10
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| PAS' no-nonsense spiritual adviser Nik Aziz |
KOTA BHARU - PAS Murshidul Am Tuan Guru Nik Abdul Aziz Nik Mat (pic) has reminded that a person's race was worthless in the eyes of Islam, and that one was only judged by one's fear of God.
"A Chinese who is fearful of God is far more noble than a Malay who indulges in corruption, oppression, betrayal and so forth. No matter how high the songkok is on his head, without the fear of God, he is worthless," he said in a statement.
First National Conference on Human Rights and the Future of Marginalized and Minority Groups
By Ezra Haganez
KOTA KINABALU:A consortium of three NGOs will be holding a one-day National Conference on Human Rights and the Future of Marginalised and Minority Groups in Malaysia on January 23, 2011.
HINDRAF, Common Interest Group Malaysia (CigMa) and the newly formed London-based Human Rights Foundation Malaysia are collaborating on the first national conference on the topic planned to be held at the Chinese Assembly Hall in Kuala Lumpur.
In a joint statement, the trio issued an invitation to concerned individuals and societies, both in West and East Malaysia, to participate, co-host or present papers at the conference.
R. Shan, HINDRAF International Coordinator (New York), and Kanul Gindol, CigMa Secretary, in a joint statement, said they are inviting all minority or marginalized groups including minority ethnic groups, indigenous peoples, union workers, plantation workers, disabled groups, environmental groups, animal rights group, religious groups or any other such aggrieved minority and/or marginalized groups.
Shooting in Parliament...
By Mariam Mokhtar
Kuala Lumpur, MALAYSIA: During a parliamentary session last week, Deputy Foreign Minister A Kohilan Pillay called vocal overseas Malaysians “traitors” and said they had “breached loyalty to the King and country”.
He told the Dewan Rakyat: “The ministry monitors the behaviour and actions of not only people from the opposition parties but also tourists and those who reside abroad.”
Kohilan Pillay accused these Malaysians of giving foreigners the “wrong perception” of Malaysia.
But hasn’t he shot himself in the foot with his ludicrous charges? Malaysians need not bother dishonouring the good name of the country and its leaders. Kohilan Pillay need only search in his own backyard and judge for himself how his government, principally the Umno faction, has tarnished Malaysia’s good name, both within and outside Malaysia.
Kuala Lumpur, MALAYSIA: During a parliamentary session last week, Deputy Foreign Minister A Kohilan Pillay called vocal overseas Malaysians “traitors” and said they had “breached loyalty to the King and country”.
He told the Dewan Rakyat: “The ministry monitors the behaviour and actions of not only people from the opposition parties but also tourists and those who reside abroad.”
Kohilan Pillay accused these Malaysians of giving foreigners the “wrong perception” of Malaysia.
But hasn’t he shot himself in the foot with his ludicrous charges? Malaysians need not bother dishonouring the good name of the country and its leaders. Kohilan Pillay need only search in his own backyard and judge for himself how his government, principally the Umno faction, has tarnished Malaysia’s good name, both within and outside Malaysia.
'Latex Journalism' and the Holy Father
By Brother André Marie
Cut to the chase: It’s a pack of lies. In what is perhaps the worst Vatican PR nightmare since the Williamson Affair — now back in the news with a vengeance — the world’s media are abuzz with prurient headlines regarding the Supreme Pontiff’s supposed partial approval of condom use. This twisted obsession shows that the esteemed members of the fourth estate have contracepted more than babies. Their favorite accessories have become a prophylactic for rational thought, honesty, and genuine journalistic observation. It’s no longer yellow journalism; it’s “latex journalism,” whose standards of truth are more elastic than the nasty little things themselves. Allow me one case-in-point of yellow latex journalism, the Boston Herald. Quoting “Catholic” activists and commentators, whose claim on the name is quite a stretch, the Herald deviously congratulates the Pope for saying, regarding condom use, that “in some cases it’s justified to stop spread of HIV.” Only problem is he didn’t say that. The headline, too — “Pontiff blesses condom use” is a lie. What did the Holy Father do? In an unguarded, leisurely, book-length interview with Peter Seewald, Pope Benedict XVI did something truly dangerous. He took a risk. He spoke in a speculatively psychological way about the subjective dispositions of one deeply entrenched in a life of sin, and how, for such a one, the use of a condom “can be a first step in the direction of a moralization.” The risk was that his words would be misunderstood, for not everyone wants to understand the Holy Father’s thinking on the issue. Further, the complexity of these thoughts are not easily reducible to a sound bite or headline.
Read the account of Pia de Solenni, who does us the favor of reproducing the entire excerpt our latex journalists have hacked and parsed and spliced beyond recognition. Note, the Pope did not say that condom use was “moral.” He did not say it was “justified.” He did not say it was judged “permissible” now or ever in the infallible moral magisterium of the Church. None of that.
Is Malaysian Prime Minister involved in Scorpene submarines kickbacks?
Questions over the sale of French-built Scorpene submarines to militaries across the world may finally ensnare some of France’s highest-ranking leaders.In addition, Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak should be starting to get nervous, along with officials in India, Chile and Brazil.
DayakBaru Thoughts
Receiving kickbacks from government purchase of foreign goods and services is common. This is an act of corruption and is therefor not acceptable. whoever is involved in such an act is irresponsible and therefor should not be given the trust to govern by the people.
For Najib, he has been a Defense Minister for so long and he has a lot to answer in any given cases link to the military. The lost jet engines, buying over price tank, etc all smell fishy to the public. The submarine deal is even link to murder in Malaysia. If all these is true, then the current government has no moral standing to rule Malaysia.
Is BN guilty of criminal negligence? - by ex MP Maran
By Hishamuddin Yahaya
Kuala Lumpur, MALAYSIA: Are our efforts to foster racial unity really doddering, as alleged by some? Indications are that they are. Incidents involving people in responsible positions making derogatory racial remarks all point to that direction. What these people said is too sensitive to quote here. But suffice to say they were derogatory and racist remarks, which no amount of apology will erase.
Again what prompted the prime minister to give a stern warning that the government would not tolerate such sensitive issues being raised by any quarter? The answer is simply that racial unity is still elusive, and unless programmed and implemented wisely, it will not easily be achieved.
I am prompted to reminisce about what the late Koh Kai Boh, a Cabinet minister prior to the May 13 incident, said when he came to Malaysia Hall, London to give a briefing on the situation, weeks after the infamous incident. Among other things, he said, “the government is guilty of criminal negligence in not teaching and explaining to the people our constitution.” Had that been done, he said, the racial riot could not have occurred. The late Koh Kai Boh himself was a lawyer.
Nazri says Malay supremacy wrongly interpreted
By Clara Chooi
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| Nazri says ‘ketuanan Melayu’ is not about the Malays, it is about the Malay Rulers. |
KUALA LUMPUR, Nov 30 — Datuk Seri Mohamed Nazri Aziz attempted today to silence arguments on “Malay supremacy”, claiming it has been grossly interpreted to propagate the supremacy of the Malay race by leaders with “cow dung in their brains”.
The minister in the Prime Minister’s Department told The Malaysian Insider that the famous phrase, often used by Malay right-wing leaders to push for Malay rights, was coined to protect the sovereignty of the Malay Rulers.
As such, Nazri stressed that “Malay supremacy” did not in any way mean that the Malays were more superior than the other races.
An Alternative Paradigm for Change and Reform
by Malik Imtiaz Sarvar
I do not think I am alone in feeling that this country is in need of a serious overhaul. Sweeping reform, of a nature far deeper than the superficial changes conceived by consultants to seduce voters, is critical to our continued survival. If voter sentiment at the last general election is any indication, I think I am similarly not alone in believing that a change of government is in order.
I am guided to this conclusion not by dint of any admiration for those currently in Pakatan Rakyat(PR). Although admitted, there are individuals among them for whom I have a great deal of respect; this in itself is not a reason for change. The matter is addressed rather by reference to the seeming inability of Barisan Nasional (BN) at the present time to form the kind of government this country needs.
It is not very difficult to prove this proposition: the BN is held by its component parties and their members, in particular UMNO. In as much as some within the BN may wish to push the envelope on reform, they are subject to those who shape influence with these parties.
I do not think I am alone in feeling that this country is in need of a serious overhaul. Sweeping reform, of a nature far deeper than the superficial changes conceived by consultants to seduce voters, is critical to our continued survival. If voter sentiment at the last general election is any indication, I think I am similarly not alone in believing that a change of government is in order.
I am guided to this conclusion not by dint of any admiration for those currently in Pakatan Rakyat(PR). Although admitted, there are individuals among them for whom I have a great deal of respect; this in itself is not a reason for change. The matter is addressed rather by reference to the seeming inability of Barisan Nasional (BN) at the present time to form the kind of government this country needs.
It is not very difficult to prove this proposition: the BN is held by its component parties and their members, in particular UMNO. In as much as some within the BN may wish to push the envelope on reform, they are subject to those who shape influence with these parties.
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